I have a friend in Minsk, who has a friend in Pinsk

Edson is not a professional mathematician.

I went to Professor Weiss and asked him: "I have a blah that can be turn into bi-blah by Schzmolukowzsky's conjugacy. Has somebody generalized this Groethendieck categories of uni-blah with Schartzwitoskwicz points (fuctors for which the critical holonomy is diffeo preperiodic to an unstable climacterium), so the conjugated balh has monotone laps. Remember anyone who has done that?" You would ask the same, no? Somebody must have done it, it is so obvious.

Professor Weiss gives me a happy grin and says: "Of course. Since my childhood I had only worked on Schma, never on Blah, but my dear friend Vargas in Minsk knows everything that is to be known on Blah, ask him."

So I ask, and Vargas writes back: "From the best of my knowlodge, i don't  know any result in this direction"

Wrong! Wrong comrade Vargas. This is how it is done:

1) when anyone asks you a real question (other than "How are you?") you immediately say: "Sorry, I do not work on Blah, I only work on Schma, but I have a friend in Minsk, who has a friend in Pinsk, who, .... knows all about Blah". An easy corollary follows:
     Corollary: Weiss is a professional mathematician.
     Subsidiary Lemma: Vargas is not.

2) Theorem: Every sequence of mathematical referrals is a closed loop, ie., no matter who you send me to, eventually the guy in Dnepropetrovsk will refer me back to Weiss,

but now Vargas has spoiled the game that Howie so professionally initiated.

On the other hand, Vargas is honest. Do I even have to cite any theorems on how unprofessional that is?

Brush Up Your Shakespeare

if she says your behavior is heinous
kick her right in the Coriolanus.